1) In theaters:
When you meet acquaintances/friends.
Silly Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont you know, I sell tickets in black over here..

3) At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask.
Silly Question:-  Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4) At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Silly Question:- Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

6) When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask.
Silly Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout.it’s just the money.

7) When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call.
Silly Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping….you dumb witted moron.

9) At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Silly Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10) You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
Silly Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle. It was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC’s )

Hero: Hey…GM (Good Morning)… How’s u doing today?

Female: VGM…Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow…am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep…me too feel the same…Brb (be right back)’ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [F*** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it’s quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window…)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She’s kinda….. keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it’s the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it’s real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that’s a one-hour’s work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now. ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT…. YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

(Click on image to see full size image)

First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.

My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan ,
If I can, If I can, If I can.

“Very good”, the teacher said to Dan. She then asked Sally that it was now her turn.

My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can.

“That is good Sally,” the teacher said. “But maybe one day you will change your mind.”

Next up was Glenn. He was the naughty one in the class . Here is his rhyme:

My name is Glenn,
When I grow up to be a man,
Never mind India and Japan ,
I’m gonna help Sally with her plan,
I know I can, I can, I can

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It’s the Thought, Because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa’s reply, asked) “WHY”?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

2. Love affairs:
Something like cricket where
one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage:
It’s an agreement in which a man
loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of
the lecturer to the notes of the students without
passing through “the minds of either”.

5. Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.

6. Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

7. Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water-power…

8. Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens & everybody disagrees later on.

9 . Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a
feeling you have never felt before.

10. Classic:
Books which people praise, but do not read.

11. Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

12. Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

13. Yawn:
The only time some married men ever
get to open their mouth.

14. Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than
you actually do.

15. Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and
sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

16. Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be
spoken of when dead.

17. Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward to the trip.

18. Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.

19. Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says
in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

20. Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in
ZERO, instead of the first letter in word
OPPORTUNITY.

21. Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

22. Father:
A banker provided by nature.

23 . Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest… except that
he got caught.

24. Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills
you with his bills.