But now they are called..
“IT professionals”

 
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..! BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

 
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets get reversed..!
 

An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt:
“If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off”

Someone has rightly said, “A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer”
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

 
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee…
….. Leave them to us  

Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, “Order, order.”
The drunkard immediately responded, “Thank you, your honor, I’ll have a scotch and soda.”

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can’t you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can’t.
Waiter : Then does it really matter ?

Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
“Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!”
“That’s great, Sweetheart,” said her daddy.
“Come in to the living room and tell me about it.”
“Well,” began the confession, “I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math’s and 20 in science.”

Customer : Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer : Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
‘My trouble is,’ he said, ‘that I keep forgetting things.’
‘How long has this been going on?’ asked the psychiatrist.
‘ How long has what been going on?’ said the man..

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won’t.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It’s addressed to Mumbai.

Santa : People consider me as a “GOD”
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U
have came again..

Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV
in my house.
Police : How the thief did not take TV???
Santa: I was watching TV na..

Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother’s younger
sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Because SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!

Do you know the similarity between “Dinosaurs” & “Decent Girls”
Answer: Both don’t exist on earth !!!

When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that,

I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us.

Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo – HR Manager

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded: “You fool, you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“No” replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”

The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”

“No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.

“Thank God!” replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping. Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that,” The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy…”

PM thought that,” I can’t believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake”

That girl thought that,” I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him”.

Finally, does u know what our clever S/W engineer thought?

“This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes…because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM.

She replied, “About four acres and a nice
little home in the middle of the property with a stream
running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,”  she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town,
and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied,
“We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please. . .” he tried again,
“is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets.
We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded,
“about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,
“Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied.
“I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does.
He says he can’t communicate with me !!”