1) In theaters:
When you meet acquaintances/friends.
Silly Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont you know, I sell tickets in black over here..

3) At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask.
Silly Question:-  Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4) At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Silly Question:- Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

6) When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask.
Silly Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout.it’s just the money.

7) When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call.
Silly Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping….you dumb witted moron.

9) At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Silly Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10) You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
Silly Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle. It was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Tom: Harry, I’ve been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Harry: oh!

Tom: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Harry:No
Tom: He’s the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Tom: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Harry: No
Tom:He’s the author of “The 3 Musketeers”, if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:

Tom:And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Harry: No
Tom: He’s the author of “Confessions”, if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, Harry got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Jack scott?
Tom:No
Harry: He’s the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know.

The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman.”

The next child, a little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”

And so it went until one little boy said: “My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay club.”

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher

approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude in a gay bar.

Little Johnny blushed and said, “No, he’s really a Business Development Director at Lehmaan Brothers, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”

Another gem from  CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”

From H.A.L.  Administration Dept:
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days  leave.”

An incident of a leave  letter:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”

A leave letter to the headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request  you to leave me today”

Another leave letter written to the  headmaster:
“As my headache is paining, please grant me  leave  for the  day.”

Covering note:
“I am enclosed  herewith…”

Another  one:
“Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”

Actual letter written for  application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I  am  her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.

Letter writing:-
“I  am well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

A candidate’s job application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling  for  a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both(!! )for  the past several years and I can handle both with  good experience, I  am applying for the  post.