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A joke dedicated to all software engineers

viju — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:33:24 +0000

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, an Electrical Engineer, a Chemical Engineer and a Software Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.

The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, “I think a rod broke. We can check the rods.”

The Chemical Engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I don’t think it’s getting gas. We shall check the gas tank.”

The Electrical Engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry.”

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”

–

The Computer Engineer said, “We shall get out of the car and get in Again.”

Interview of a Smart Sardar

viju — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:30:07 +0000

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend’s name in English.
Sardar wrote: ‘ Beautiful Red Underware’
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, “Gandi was a great man, but I don’t know who is Jayanthi.

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it’s one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it’s second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it’s fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn’t walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, “I found it. If we cut cockroach’s four legs, it becomes
deaf.

On a political rally sardar was arrested. Why??? A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote “PRESS” and He did it..

When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, “You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sarda r went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board “WASH BASIN”

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

How to Turn Down the Guys. Tips for Girls

viju — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 13:55:23 +0000

HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I’ve already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

Joke of the Day – Just for Fun – Enjoy

viju — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 11:48:22 +0000

A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.

“This is great,” he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.

“I can get away from him with no problem” thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 km/hr to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, What the hell am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing” and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.

The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver’s side.

“Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th.

“If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before as to why you were speeding, I’ll let you
go.”

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, “Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I thought
you were bringing her back.”

The Policeman said, “Have a nice day, sir”

Some jokes to make you laugh

viju — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 12:48:43 +0000

Customer: Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter: Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can’t you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can’t.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?

Customer : Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer : Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New
Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer : Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card

James Bond and South Indian guy

viju — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 12:34:37 +0000

James Bond and South Indian guy

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu(South Indian) guy.

Telugu Guy: “Hello, May I know your name please?”

James Bond: “My name is Bond” Continuing in his inimitable style, “Bond .. James Bond”

Then Bond asks: “And you?”

Telugu Guy: ” My name is Rao… Siva Rao… Samba Siva Rao… Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao… Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao… ..”

Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says “James Bond”!

The only chance for India to win Football World Cup

viju — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:28:41 +0000

The only chance for India to win Football World Cup:

Email to Bill Gates by Banta

viju — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 12:17:55 +0000

This letter is from ‘Banta Singh’ from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to Internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the ’shut down ‘ button.

3. There is a button ’start’ but there is no “stop” button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friend clicked ‘run ‘ has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to “sit”, so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any ‘re-scooter’ available in system? As I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ‘ find’, but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my ‘mouse’ from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning ‘HEARTS’ (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

9. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when u will provide that?

Doctor and a crazy Patient

viju — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:49:49 +0000

Doctor to Mareej: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.

Mareej : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?

Mareej: Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor : Are mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Mareej: Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai peelee thi kya?

Mareej: Oho, nai doctor saheb, dawai to laal thi.

Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?

Mareej: Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor( in frustration) :Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k
nai?

Mareej: Nai doctor saheb.

Doctor : Kyon?

Mareej: Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor : Teri %$%$, to Khola kyon nai.

Mareej: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor : Tera ilaaz main nai kar sakta. !!!!

Mareej: Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Why I hate my Boss? Just for fun

viju — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:45:43 +0000

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
He is thorough

When I don’t do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
He is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I do what my boss says,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss does what his boss says,
he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
im an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he’s only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he’s on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it’s because he’s overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets