Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was

traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand

our language and reply in actions.

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had

a talk with the monkey.

Officer: ‘When the plane took off what were the travelers

doing?’
Monkey: ‘Tying their belts’

Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’
Monkey: ‘Saying Hello! Good morning!’

Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’
Monkey: ‘Checking the system’

Officer: ‘What were you doing?’
Monkey: ‘Looking for my people’

Officer: ‘After 10′ minutes what were the travelers doing?’
Monkey: ‘Having beverages and snacks’

Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’
Monkey: ‘Serving the travelers’

Officer: ‘What were the Pilots doing?’
Monkey: ‘Handling the steering’

Officer: ‘What were you doing?’
Monkey: ‘Eating & throwing’

Officer: ‘After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?’
Monkey: ‘Some were sleeping and some were reading’

Officer: ‘What were the air hostesses doing?’
Monkey: ‘Make up’

Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’
Monkey: ‘Handling the steering’

Officer: ‘What were you doing?’
Monkey: ‘Nothing’

Officer: ‘Just before plane crash what were the travelers

doing?’
Monkey: ‘All were sleeping’

Officer: ‘What were the pilots doing?’
Monkey: ‘Handling the air hostess’

Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! !

No more Questions!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female!

The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, “I think a rod broke. We can check the rods.”

The Chemical Engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I don’t think it’s getting gas. We shall check the gas tank.”

The Electrical Engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry.”

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”

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The Computer Engineer said, “We shall get out of the car and get in Again.”

Manager asked to sardar at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.

Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend’s name in English.
Sardar wrote: ‘ Beautiful Red Underware’
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, “Gandi was a great man, but I don’t know who is Jayanthi.

Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it’s one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it’s second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it’s fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn’t walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, “I found it. If we cut cockroach’s four legs, it becomes
deaf.

On a political rally sardar was arrested. Why??? A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote “PRESS” and He did it..

When sarda r was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, “You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sarda r went in a hotel. To wash hands he went to the washbasin. There he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Sardar pointed towards the board “WASH BASIN”

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from   Boyfriend   5.0 to Husband   1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall  system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as  NEWS 5.0,   MONEY 3.0  and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed.

Reply

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new   applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend:  Cooking 3.0 and  Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck
Madam!

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me belly well.

I’m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. . . hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short – below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.

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Reply from Employer:

No problem honey.

We will manage your English.  Please come and join the position!

Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!