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Holi Festival Joke – funny marathi Picture

viju — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 18:05:26 +0000

Holi Festival Joke – funny Picture

Upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 – A Perfect Upgrade

viju — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 15:22:10 +0000

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed.

Reply

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck
Madam!

Difference between Women and Men

viju — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 11:39:07 +0000

Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend’s apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend’s and none of them confirm that.

Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Football fan

viju — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 12:29:53 +0000

A man had two great tickets for the Football Cup final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. “No”, he says, “the seat is empty”.

“This is incredible!” said the man, “who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA cup final, the biggest sporting event in the year, and not use it?”

He says, “well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married”.

“Oh .. I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. I guess you couldn’t find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?”

The man shakes his head… “No. They’re all at the funeral”

What is similarity between computer and woman?

viju — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:40:48 +0000

Similarity between computer and woman?

1) As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
2) No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
3) Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for
future reference.
4) The native language used to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
5) The message “Bad Command or File Name” is about as informative as
6) “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to
tell you”.
7) As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
of your paycheck on accessories for it.

Here few more reasons why computers must be woman:

They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

Beauty is only shell deep.

When you ask what’s wrong, they say “nothing”.

Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.

Always turning simple statements into big productions.

Small talk is important.

You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it’s wrong.

They make you take the garbage out.

They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

It is always necessary to have a backup.

The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

Software Programmer and Non-programmer – How to Differentiate them?

viju — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 11:20:18 +0000

A non-programmer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte.
A programmer is convinced that there are 1024 meters in a kilometer.

Ramu : I’ve just become a member of Rotract Club.
Somu : public member or private?

Ramu : Hey.. My submarine is not sinking into the water!! What could be
wrong?
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.

PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500 rupees to
Suthi..?
Bull : Sure.. Why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by
value or pass by reference.

Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a software
engineer…
Somu : how do you say that?
Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!

Ramu : why people are beating that SW engineer black and blue?
Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether “vande mataram” is new
kind of RAM in the market!

Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW engineer is very very naive..
Somu : How do you say that?
Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea.

Ramu : Hey…. whats time now?
Somu : System time or local time.

4 Easy Steps for dummies to Transfer Files in Windows!
Right click the mouse on the file to transfer and select cut option.
Disconnect the mouse from that PC, take that mouse carefully and connect it
to the other PC where you want to copy that file and try to paste it there.

Enjoy.

HR Management After Death

viju — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 14:48:15 +0000

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” said the woman.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven”, said the woman

“Sorry, we have rules…”

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

“Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

“So, you’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,”

The woman paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her smiled and told…

“Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re an Employee”

3 Idiots Hindi Movie Song Applied to Software Engineers – Just For Fun

viju — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:39:23 +0000

3 Idiots song – Saari umr hum – applied to software engineer – for fun

Saari umr hum
coding main jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein bench do
bench do

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some Bench
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again

Kandhon ko laptop
Ke bojh ne jhukaya
jhoot bolna tho khud
manager ne sikhaya

4.0 feebdback laaoge to chhuti, varna kismat futi
Likh likh kar pada hatheli par
SAP, Asp, C-sharp ka chaala
SAP development-Project ne poora..
Poora bheja pakka daala

career to gaya
GF bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
bench do bench do

Saari umru hum
coding main jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein bench do
bench do

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some Bench
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again

Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….
Na na na….Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

An Interesting Interview of Banta

viju — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:02:44 +0000

Interviewer :Let me check your word Power…

Banta :Ok Sir ….

Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of …..good.
Banta :hmmmm….. Bad

Interviewer : Come
Banta : Go..

Interviewer : Ugly.
Banta : Pichlli.

Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
Banta : UGLYYYYYYYYY..

Interviewer : Shut Up.
Banta : Keep Talking.

Interviewer k now stop these all..
Banta:ok now carry on this all

Interviewer :abe…chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa
Banta:abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh

Interviewer :Areeee yaaar
Banta: areeee dushmannnnnn

Interviewer : Get Out.
Banta : Come In..

Interviewer : Oh my God.
Banta : Oh my Devil.

Interviewer : U r Rejected.
Banta: I m selected…I M SELECTED???

REALLY?? BALLE BALLE

Joke of the day – Just for fun

viju — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:16:19 +0000

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.

First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the King, “I brought ten apples”. The king explains the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up you ass with out any expression on your face or you’ll be eaten. The first apple went in but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second ones arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. The king explained the trial to him. He thought to himself that this should be easy… 1…. 2…. 3…. 4….. 5…. 6…… 7…… 8…. on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore, he also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven… The first guy asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it? Second guy replied: “I couldn’t help it… I saw the third guy coming with pineapples” !!!